If I Die Young
by alexsrx3
Summary: Puck is struggling to cope with the death of his little sister. Rachel refuses to just sit back and watch. Rated M for language only.


It had happened so suddenly that Puck hadn't been able to do anything. Sarah had always looked up to him like he was some kind of _god_ or something and he hadn't even been able to push her out of the way of a fucking car. She'd just _had_ to have ice cream and she'd sprinted out of the house the second she'd heard the truck. It physically hurts him to think about what had happened next. He'd grumbled something about her being too old for ice cream and had wasted time, searching for his sneakers and looking for her jacket, hoping that she'd be done by the time he got out there. He's fairly sure that his heart had stopped when he'd heard her scream. He'd nearly broken his neck vaulting the table in the living room to get to her quicker. The screeching of tyres had made his blood run cold and he'd made it to the door just in time to see the image that would be burned into his brain for the rest of his life. His baby sister lying crumpled in the road with some _bastard _speeding away and-shit- was that blood? After that, everything's just a huge blur of blood and crying and some dude in scrubs trying to pry her out of his arms and, when somebody says, "I'm sorry, son. She's gone," there's this howling noise that goes on forever before he realises that it's coming from him.

His mother's barely spoken since it happened. The only time that managed to penetrate the fog in his mind was when she went crazy, screaming and swearing when his douchebag father turned up at the funeral. It had also been the only time since it had happened that Puck had even considered smiling.

It's been three months now and he's acting like a robot. He doesn't know how to live anymore. He hasn't cried since that day. He goes to school, goes to glee and football practice and he goes through the motions but _fuck, _everything hurts. He doesn't remember why he used to enjoy getting drunk or sleeping with Cheerios and, God, why would he want to be anywhere near Mrs Azimio when his little sister is dead and his heart doesn't work anymore?

It's glee, of all things, that finally wakes him up. Later, he thinks that it kind of makes sense. It was glee that changed him the first time and Sarah always did love to watch him performing.

He walks in and sits down and, at first, it's business as usual. The other gleeks pretend he doesn't exist- he figures that they're done tiptoeing around him and he's grateful. Fuck 'em. He doesn't need them.

Schue shoots him his usual pitying look as he stands at the front of the room and Puck honestly thinks that he'll punch the fucker if he suggests going to Miss Pillsbury one more time. The chick is batshit crazy and Puck doesn't see why he should spill everything he's thinking to her just because she and Schue are fucking like rabbits. He glares back and Schue clears his throat and asks if anybody has anything they'd like to contribute. Puck zones out after he hears Berry pipe up and say that she's prepared something and so he misses the look concern she darts his way as she stands in front of the club and ignores the theatrical groans from some of the others. Later, he can't decide whether or not he wishes that he'd seen it- whether he'd have liked to be able to prepare himself for what she threw his way.

She doesn't say another word. She doesn't dedicate it to him or anything but, after the first line, it's blatantly obvious to anybody with half a brain that she's singing for him and he snaps back to attention so fast that it almost hurts.

She just nods to the girl behind her who raises a violin under her chin and waits. Although Puck's staring right at her, his focus is miles away, in the cemetery on the other side of town and so he doesn't notice when she fixes her gaze on him and starts to sing,

"If I die young,

Bury me in satin,

Lay me down on a bed of roses,"

He's jerked back to the real world and he stares at her, eyes wild, ready to storm out. What the fuck is she doing? She's supposed to pride herself on being fucking compassionate, isn't she? Why is she trying to rub salt into his wounds? He's about to start yelling when something in her eyes makes him stop and listen, _really listen,_ to what she's singing,

"Sink me in the river at dawn,

Send me away with the words of a love song,"

Her gaze is so intense that he gets a little lost in it and when she gets to the part about the mother, _his_ mother, he swears that his heart breaks a little. What was that line? "Ain't even grey but she buries her baby." There's an image in his head of his mother in the hospital, looking so small and broken that he didn't know what to say to her. It's with a jolt that he realizes that he still hasn't spoken to her.

He's so focused on the tears slowly streaking down Rachel's cheeks that he doesn't even realise he's crying.

She's singing her heart out and it's like he can feel it penetrating this shell that he's been building around himself for months. Her voice is strong and soft at the same time and there's this haunting quality to the whole thing that just hits him in the chest and makes it hard to breathe.

He'd stood up the second the first words had left her mouth and it's only as the violinist finally takes her bow off the strings and the last echoes of Rachel's voice die down that he realizes he hasn't moved a muscle since she began.

Nobody applauds and the room is totally silent but for a strange sort of choking noise and it's like he's right back there in the hospital when he was falling apart and everybody knew it but him.

He lets out another sob, this one sounding harsh against his ears now that he understands what the noise is, and takes a shaky step towards her. She seems to take this is some sort of signal and catapults herself into his arms, bawling hard enough for the both of them. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her tiny body to him, clutching her to his chest so hard that somewhere in the back of his mind he worries that he's hurting her.

He buries his face in her hair and lets her body absorb the shaking that his sobs are causing. His tears leak into the silky strands and matt her hair together, sticking it to his cheek. She doesn't seem to care and neither does he because she takes a step back and takes his face in her hands as she whispers again and again that everything will be okay. He takes in her tear stained face and her dark eyes huge with emotion and for the first time since that day and the thousandth time that he's heard those words, he begins to believe them.


End file.
